i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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