Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
