Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
