i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
