i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will be naked everywhere
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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