If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
