True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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