2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
