I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
