gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
