i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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