Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
