i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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