A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
