I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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