Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
