Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
