I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
