He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
