so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
