u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
