How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
