im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
