is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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