Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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