PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
