Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
