I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
