That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
