Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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