are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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