I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
