I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
