Pappa wants mamma naked
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
