I'm really into asian looking animals
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
