Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
