weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
