forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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