its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
