I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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