I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
