drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
