Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
