oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
