Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Randomize
