Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
