im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
