Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
