There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
