Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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