are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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