when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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