stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
