I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
