Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
