Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
