she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
